Digging For Jebus

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Saturday March 18, 2006

Digging For Predictions

It's now time for jebus's "put your money on the table" predictions...

Prediction: The average price of gasoline in the US will hit $4.00/gallon this summer. That's right, the oil barons (George Bush) and Arab terrorists (Bandar Bush) tested you and me out last year by jacking oil prices up. Sure, the American people complained but not so much. The economy didn't crash and well... they all got a little richer so its time for another big "fuck you" to the American people so get ready bend over...

Prediction: Ken Griffey plays 145+ games this year. No, I'm not drunk, just a prediction, but he has to stay healthy sometime and this is the year!

Prediction: Someone will commit an act of domestic "terrorism" and the movie "V For Vendetta" gets blamed. This will result in Congress passing restrictions on the content in movies and music. As a result not only can you not yell fire in a crowded theatre but neither can the guy in the movie.

Prediction: Someone yelling fire in a crowded theatre is not an issue since nobody goes to movie theatres any more... In a desperate act Hollywood decides to make a sequel to Independence Day by teaming up Will Smith with Vin Diesel. It doesn't work.

Prediction: This year will be a record year for tornados. Mobile homes everywhere will lie in ruins. As usual liberals will blame it on global warming while conservatives will insist that there is no such thing as global warming. Neither of them know what they are talking about and life goes on.

Prediction: A "Christian" hacker group will form on the internet with the goal of "spreading the word of God" by defacing high profile web sites with Christian messages. I know, this is kind of far out there but its just stupid enough to happen....

Prediction: A scientific study will be released that finds that energy drinks cause cancer, brain damage, hair loss, diabetes, and impotence. The American public questions whether it is really safe to pump massive amounts of caffiene, sugar, and speed in their bodies. They then sue the manufacturers for not being forewarned of the danger.

Posted by jebus ( Sep 28 2006, 12:36:06 AM CDT / Mar 18 2006, 05:58:17 PM CST ) Permalink
Trackback: http://www.diggingforfire.net/roller/trackback/jebus/Weblog/digging_for_predictions

Monday March 13, 2006

Digging For Damn Straight I'm Right

Just to prove that once again I am right let me give you a link:

As Bird Flu Spreads, Man's Best Friends Get a Second Look

HOLY SHIT NOW YOUR DOG CAN GET BIRD FLU!!

In other news, ABC's news site is really taking on quite a Pravda look and feel these days... Included with the no less than SIX Bird Flu stories on the main page are stories on Natalie Portman Going Gangsta and Who should be dating Jennifer Aniston. Enquiring minds want to know.

Changing subjects... does anybody give a shit about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? This made-for-tv awards show seems especially pretentious considering that its all about bringing the "anti-establishment" rock "legends" into the mainstream and patting themselves on the back the whole way. At least the Sex Pistols had enough balls to tell the hall to fuck off.

Oh and congrats to Selig on his team winning last night. Free Bonds!!!

Posted by jebus ( Sep 28 2006, 12:36:24 AM CDT / Mar 13 2006, 07:11:31 PM CST ) Permalink
Trackback: http://www.diggingforfire.net/roller/trackback/jebus/Weblog/digging_for_damn_straight_i

Wednesday March 01, 2006

Digging For Bird Flu

Do you have the bird flu? Do you know anybody with the bird flu?

Chances are the answer to both questions is no but if you watched network news for 5 minutes (and only jebus knows why you would want to do that) you would think that we are the middle of some pandemic not seen since the Bubonic Plague. It's babies dying in the streets can't get gas for my Calvin pissin on Chevy sticker havin Canyonero bad times...

Let's do a little math here and how much danger we are in. Number of people that have died due to bird flu in 2005: 60

60? well fuck, more people died in cartoon protests yesterday than that. What's the big deal? I'll tell you what the big deal is, you guessed it: $$$. It seems that the U.S. government has decided to order another 10 million! doses of anti-viral drugs to fight this dreaded disease... and get this, THEY HOPE TO ORDER MORE! My guess is somebody somewhere in Washington owns a whole lot of stock in Roche, the company that makes the drug.

So what if the worst happens and this dreaded bird flu decides to mutate from infecting chickens and goats or whatever and starts infecting humans? Well guess what, the key word here is mutate because it has become a new disease which probably won't even be affected by this supposed life saving drug! Viruses tend to be smart like that. Good thing we have 10 million doses of the shit to save us...

And while this is all going on a company like Roche is making huge profits thanks to the stupidity and greed of the US government. Its SARS and mad cow disease and shark attacks and saccharin all over again! jebus bless America!

Posted by jebus ( Jul 03 2006, 09:42:39 AM CDT / Mar 01 2006, 07:05:05 PM CST ) Permalink
Trackback: http://www.diggingforfire.net/roller/trackback/jebus/Weblog/digging_for_bird_flu

Saturday February 25, 2006

Digging For Reality

Someone please name a good reality tv show. I certainly can't think of one. It's a good thing we have things like tivos or on some nights I would be forced to watch Survior Some Fuckin Island, American Idol, or a B movie like Independence Day.

If they really want to make a it a reality tv show then why don't they have Survivor East St. Louis? Pick 16 white guys, give them a wellfare check and a cardboard box and see who "survives" a month on the street. I would definately tivo that.

Posted by jebus ( Sep 28 2006, 12:36:44 AM CDT / Feb 25 2006, 10:46:16 PM CST ) Permalink
Trackback: http://www.diggingforfire.net/roller/trackback/jebus/Weblog/digging_for_reality

Friday February 24, 2006

Digging For Crosses

How to be a better Christian:

* Erect a 100 foot cross in your back yard
* Put a Calvin praying to jebus sticker on the back of your SUV
* Vote for George Bush
* claim that Christian's are discriminated against in America

Posted by jebus ( Sep 28 2006, 12:36:53 AM CDT / Feb 24 2006, 07:27:01 PM CST ) Permalink
Trackback: http://www.diggingforfire.net/roller/trackback/jebus/Weblog/digging_for_crosses

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