"Control the pet population. Teach your dog abstinece."

Stephen Colbert | The Colbert Report

"I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth."

Thomas Jefferson, 3rd US President.

"A telephone call? That's communication with the outside world! Doctor's discretion. Hey, if alla these nuts could just make phone calls, it could spread. Insanity oozing through telephone cables, oozing into the ears of all those poor sane people, infecting them! Whackos everywhere! A plague of madness"

Jeffrey Goines | '12 Monkeys'

"Life is nature's way of keeping meat fresh."

Doctor Who

"We're teaching people how to hustle and how to look good. I'd rather be a pimp than a gang-banger, because I grew up being a gang-banger, and I tell you, you live longer being a pimp."

Snoop Dogg

"I'm here to regulate the funkiness!"

Winston | 'The Mexican'

"When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding Of digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being. God isn't interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how He spends His time-forty-three species of parrot. Nipples for men."

Evil | 'Time Bandits'

"Yes, but the... whole point of the doomsday machine... is lost... if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, eh?

Dr. Strangelove | 'Dr. Strangelove: or, How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb'

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."

Arnold Schwarzenegger | California Gubenatorial Candidate

"Yeah. I think it would be extremely naive of us, Mr. President, to imagine that these new developments are going to cause any change in Soviet expansionist policy. I mean, we must be... increasingly on the alert to prevent them from taking over other mineshaft space, in order to breed more prodigiously than we do, thus, knocking us out in superior numbers when we emerge! Mr. President, we must not allow... a mine shaft gap!"

Turgidson | 'Dr. Strangelove: or, How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb'

"People should know when they're conquered."

Quintus | 'Gladiator'

"I'd like to thank God for all my success, even though i never worshiped or believed in him in any way."

Krusty The Klown | The Simpsons

"Covered in hope and vasaline, still cannot fix this broken machine"

NIN | Broken EP

"I like BS, it makes me wanna dance, it makes me wanna do the side to side"

BS 2000 | 'Simply Mortified'

"Yes these are bruises, yes they're from fighting, yes I'm comfortable with that...I am enlightened.

Narrator | 'FIGHT CLUB'

"What kind of dining set defines me as a person?"

Narrator | 'FIGHT CLUB'

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

unknown

"Breathing fire is a cool party trick, but you can't do it everywhere."

Jonas F.

"Who would have thought Predator would produce 2 governors?"

Joel D.

"It would have worked if it hadn't failed"

Me.

"Evil was invented so people have a reason to give money to God."

Me.